School Holiday Concert...yes, Christmas carols for parents to video tape day...

My third grader had a Christmas concert. But the school is too PC, so they call it a Holiday concert. Here is how our day went:

This morning before school, I said, "Im gonna wave to you!" Joseph
says, "Im not waving back".
I said, "oh real nice."
he said he's not allowed. I said "fine." I said "Then I'm jumping up and down and waving both arms and yelling, HI BEAR!! ITS MOMMY!!" he laughed.

So after all of the other grades and the choir sing, its time for the 3rd graders. Joey Bear gets on stage and spots me right away. I see his dimple, so I think he's smiling, but his lips are pursed. He is trying his hardest not to smile. He keeps sneaking a glance at me, then smirks, and looks away as quick as he can. I see him whispering to his friend next to him on stage, then his friend looks at me and smiles and they laugh.

I think, what!? Am I making a goofy grin? Am I embarrassing
him? But I dont care. I'm grinning ear to ear, just happy to see him
in his school environment, happy, relaxed.

Reminds me how lucky I am.

The "Truth" about Santa...

Today my 8 year old came home from school (3rd grade) and asked me if Santa was really real.
We've been through this before, previous christmas seasons, the older kids on the bus always try to tell the younger kids, that there is no Santa. He's asked me every year. And every year, I have said the same thing. What do you believe? He always said, he believes because every christmas, Santa brings him all kinds of toys. So, I went with that, and was so glad he was content.

This year has been different. He has asked a few times. And today, he was asking me in whisper. My 4 year old would come into the room and of course, big brother being kind, would whisper, "tell me later". I was hoping he'd forget about it. Then, he'd ask again. Of course, little brother is never far away. At 8 oclock, Joseph asks again. He says, will you tell me at bedtime? I try to avoid it, and say, if you want to talk now, lets go talk, but not at bedtime. ( I knew the cartoons were his main priority) I figured, with less than 1/2 hour before bedtime, he'll stop asking.

Of course, when I was tucking him in, he says, "Can you tell me the truth about Santa now?" Man, my heart was breaking. I think as kids get older, to encourage the "santa" stories isnt exactly good for the kids. Yes, I want him to keep believing in magic. I would love it if he kept that happy part forever. But I know in reality, that other kids won't let that happen. And I just dont want him to be the last to know. He was telling me how a bunch of his friends think its your mom and dad. but some still believe.
I was actually crying, a lot, as I was trying to explain. I said, well baby, Santa is really Mommy and Daddy.
I just dont know why I was crying so much. My husband agreed that it was probably time for him to know. And he was there for part of it, but I asked him to leave because it was making me more emotional. So, not only did I ruin christmas for him, but I probably traumatized him with my crying.

Did I do the right thing? When he used the word "truth" a couple times, I felt like I had to be honest. I dont know. all I know is I feel like I just crushed a piece of his childhood. And he'll never get that back. My baby.
I did try to explain to him that I was sad because I know he's growing up, and Im his mommy, and I love him so much.

I knew the day would come eventually. And I'm dreading him asking about the tooth fairy, easter bunny, and all that good stuff. So Sad.